Tips on how to love your Post Baby Body.

As its coming to the end of the first month in the new year, we can only hope that this mantra of 'New Year, New You' is ending with it.  I am all for personal growth, whatever that means to each individual but when I am blinded by weight loss something or other, it is very clear that body shaming is the very core of the message being put out. Pictures of women with'the 'perfect body' floods social media alongside the solution to your problem, a new craze diet or new skinny pills...............Maybe it would be easy to ignore, maybe just maybe we could see these shameless advertisements exactly for what they are and maybe if we did that, we would begin to accept ourselves. But the truth is the media only feeds the furnace of our negative self image, in order for the media to have any power we must already believe that we are not good enough, that we do not look good enough and we need to change.
Without realising many of us have a default setting, one that constantly replays negative self talk, we tell ourselves that we don't look good, that we are fat, that we can't accomplish things, that we are ugly and generally, we are just no good.
 We might not hear or notice this going on but over time negative talk builds up and we start to believe it.

​There was a time during my pregnancy and after my son was born where the last thought before my head hit the pillow and the first thought when I woke up was how fat and disgusting I was. I would have to drag myself out of bed to do the school run,I would try to hide the tears that would stream down my face each morning when I was faced with getting dressed and I would try to pretend to be a happy mother when I was desperately wanting to be on my own. My negative self talk was constant and loud, I was in a place where I was consumed by it.
The once happy chatty mammy at the school gate had become a car hermit and avoided eye contact for the fear that someone might come over.
​
I knew that I was pregnant and after that had just had a baby.
I knew that the pressure of outside situations that I couldn't control were causing stress along with the pressure to be the best mother for my 3 children........but none of these seemed like a valid reason to look the way I did, or at least how I felt I did.

Those women in the magazines had  20 something kids and still looked like super models, why was I any different.

So one day, my personal trainer boyfriend Rob and I, like we had many times before talked through what I could do. He gave me a programme and tips on how to stay motivated, this was it (as it had been many times before), I was going to not be fat any more and then I was going be happy.
We took pictures as a means to motivate and compare.
We looked at them and I began by saying how gross and disgusting I was........I wasn't overly concerned with what his reply was going to be because I was sure he was thinking  the same.......how could he not.
But then he said something that changed everything.

'No Maria, you don't look gross you just look really sad.'

A huge wave of sadness came over me and the tears poured down my face. Within this sadness was a feeling of relief and realisation, a glimmer of hope in this dark place that was becoming my everyday life. I didn't need to look better, I needed to feel better. It was a way forward. 
Rob, like he always had done, held me, comforted me, supported me and loved me when I couldn't find an ounce of love for myself.  I am so grateful for his presence in my life. 

Things didn't suddenly become better, I didn't wake up the next day and accept myself. It was a hard road but I could see clearer and was able to accept that I needed to change my focus from my negative feelings about my body to positive feelings about myself and not just my body but all of me. I began counselling and mindfulness training and over time I began to feel positive and enjoy days instead of struggling through them.   

Using mindfulness allowed me to control my thoughts. That default setting where the negative self talk ruled was being switched to a loving, positive self talk. It took practice but it was easy to do and very effective. I also noticed how my children were picking up on this, saying positive things about themselves in the same way I would, this was great motivation. The positive self talk was becoming the belief and hopefully for my children too. 

There is too  much emphasis on how our bodies look, or how society thinks they should look. The pressure to look like you haven't had a baby , straight after having a baby is bizarre but its also unfair. It has the ability to rob us of precious moments with our newborns as we battle with the negative self talk and judge ourselves on how other people look.

These few things have helped me on the road to loving myself and the more I practice the more I being to accept and love who I am.

1. Practice Mindfulness.......Catch your mind putting you down and tell it to f#@k off.
You Don't need that, Be kind to yourself. Tell the 'I'm no good, or I look awful' attitude where to go. Goodbye, unwanted negative talk!!

2. Don't compare yourself with the skinny Mom of 20 kids!!
That Mom, walking around strutting her stuff can cause feelings of jealousy and resentment but what we need to understand is that we are not that Mom. We don't have the same metabolism as her, we don't have the same body type as she does, maybe we don't have as much time as her to go to the gym or maybe we choose food as comfort and she chooses shoes or weight lifting(who knows!) Truth is, you are just two completely different people , who are living completely different lives, going through completely different things. 

3.Accept love and support from those around you.
When we are feeling down in ourselves , its hard to let the love around us it. We blanket ourselves in our insecurities and our unloving thoughts. Listen to your partner, your family and your children. They see you for who you are and they love who you are. Allow them to support and love you because you are worthy of it all . Just to note, if you child says something negative about you be aware that they could be repeating what you are saying about yourself. So from now on its 'I'm a freaking Goddess' only, okay?!!

4. Realise......
​Realise that you are an awesome human being.
Realise that your body DID just co create, grow, nourish, birth and possibly nurse a little human, yes, you are like a superhero!
Realise  that the size of your clothes does not define anything about you.
Realise that to that little big eyed, beautiful little newborn knows how amazing you are. He loves you unconditionally and see's you for exactly who you are.
You are the source of infinite love, support, comfort, warmth and beauty.
Realise how important and special that is.
Realise  how Important and special you are.

​Much love to all you amazing people

MARIA   xXx